As I am integrating back into my very active life once more I am profoundly grateful for the 3 full weeks of rest I was able to enjoy with my daughter on a sunny beach.
We are told to honor the Sabbath and keep it Holy, and in traditional religion that would mean from Friday sundown to Saturday sundown, no effort or work, just time to remember God, enjoy family, and care for self.
We are not machines, not meant to work every day and push through with no breaks.
For me, I was reflecting today that I wasn’t in survival mode for very long, but something that may look a bit like it. Trauma mind. I was there for 3 years. I didn’t really spring back after the loss of our sweet little Virgil, and what followed on the heels of that loss were many other difficult losses, challenging behaviors from my beautiful girl, evacuations, and gosh the list goes on and on.
I can see I am holding the behavior issue of my girl differently now. I felt she was my world and my everything, and I would give her everything, heal her, rescue her, and make her better with all my love and gifts. It was not a good way to hold this. She will heal and transform as she is ready. Her potentials are 100% and way higher than what she came in with. What I have come to is she is enough, and I am enough. I was quite honestly surprised to receive so much praise and validation on our trip, while Adelia struggled with anger and behaviors, I remained calm, and with some cues, she would eventually calm and end up in my arms. I think I had an expectation folks wouldn’t get her, heck I often don’t get where these episodes come from but this was quite the contrary. As I just relaxed and let Adelia move through her cycle without trying to rescue or discipline her, people saw us as a team and a good mother. I have heard numerous times after a difficult episode played out a person with a teaching or nursing background would come up and tell me I was their hero.
Not being spread so thin and getting out of the trauma brain helped me embrace a new richer style of parenting. This style is one of spaciousness. Of absolutely knowing known of this is about me, it is what Adelia came into work on. She is working on it at the perfect pace for her and it is enough for me. Taking this sabbath break, one internally guided for 3 weeks was an important turnaround for us. During this sabbath we had meals provided, housekeeping twice a day, free childcare, relaxing walks on the beach, cooking classes, ceramics, Zumba and water aerobics, and many adventures.
Our former minister was speaking of the importance of the sabbath for families, but he said single moms can’t take that time off so many 4 hours on Sunday to get some rest and be with the Lord. I get what he was trying to say, but it’s distorted, single moms especially need a full sabbath, and that would mean creating a culture where that could happen.
We are created in God’s likeness and image. On the 7th day, He rested. We are made to be active, make a big difference, and rest. Really rest. To enjoy prayer meditation fellowship and family to lounge around, read a good book or the Good Book, and just be.
Good Sabbath to you dear friend.
