Today is Adelia’s 2nd belonging anniversary. Last year on April 8th her adoption was finalized and she became my daughter and a Doering officially. Before her arrival I prepared for her by doing a kind of coaching therapy with an attachment expert so that we would have a strong bond. In the course of that year of waiting I read some very interesting books also to help me help Adelia integrate well into our little family unit.
Adelia, as I discovered fairly early on, did not have the right, permission or ability to belong…anywhere with anyone. She also did not have the right to be loved and cherished, to give love and to cherish another. These would seem to be basic human rights and yet they were all together missing from her programs.
I was careful not to work with her much during gestation so that she could have the experience in the womb she had set up for herself, and so as not to shift her in a way that she would have a different outcome after birth.
Now as I look at her struggles and behaviors I wonder about the difficulties in the womb, to know you are not wanted, it’s such a tough gestation journey, and one we may spend years nurturing out of.
What I discovered in the therapy I was doing I also did not have the right to belong, to take up space or have my own experience. The notion of mothering had been my life dream from very very young it was in me to be a mom, yet when I was 19 and started a family it played out so very differently than idelic, married to an alcoholic abusive farmer, I found my life impossible, became critically ill and in that passage, lost custody of 3 precious children I did not raise, and have almost no contact with despite my many efforts. I just had to rights.
In our recent 100% Vitality class we took a look at some rights I feel are important for each person to have
Right to be happy
To live a joyful vibrant life be happy
To have my own experience
To exist
To feel and express all feelings
To feel myself
To have pleasure
To have power
To be intelligent
To have a relationship at my level
To create for myself
To create on multiple levels
To have a voice speak and be heard
To be seen visible
To be loved, cherished, nurtured, supported, be given to
To be received
To heal and be well
To learn because it is fun
To create and have my own wealth be successful
To sing and dance paint and create
To belong
To have spiritual freedom
To be welcomed with joy
To have balance and full expression
To be protected and be safe in any space
These are a few items I would love for you also to have. Feel into them, say them out loud and feel if they are true for you. You can muscle test for them also and pump to clear them if they are not true. We worked on this list in 100% Vitality if you wanted to take this a step further and do the huge chart we managed to clear in 2 hours on this topic (thanks to some heavy duty blasting. ;0)
Belonging is a vitally important part of living fully self expressed, and being happy healthy and well adjusted. I am happy you are in my community, you have a place here. You do indeed belong!