Dear Readers,
I am so glad you are part of my family in the quantum academy. I had promised from time to time to share what I am learning with my special daughter and what has been helping us manage behaviors and symptoms better.
- Boundaries. I realized I really don’t like a lot of boundaries, but for my sweetie pie to succeed she needs clearly defined rules spaces and a definitive answer that does not change if she ‘wines or tantrums’. I think this is good in all relationships, what is expected, what is acceptable, preferable, tolerated and what if these are broken are the consequences.
- Rewards and praise. We’ve kicked it up a few notches as she is more articulate and comprehends time and activity more now. I purchased a magnetic chores chart, I picked simple things like say please and thank you, hug mommy, pick up toys etc. she so loves praise and looking at the chart at the end of the day, figuring out can she do a couple more things? Comb her hair brush her teeth read a book? Also we now are making organic apple juice popsicles. She both loves the creation of and the reward of winning a treat for a good behavior. It’s helping her stretch her good behaviors a few minutes more with the promise of a fun treat.
- Praying about everything. Gosh this has helped so much. I find I have more ease in my nervous system am less rattled in general and a better more resilient mom with God as my co parent! The moment I feel uneasy, in my heart area of nerves, or find some irritation or anger popping up I am immediately asking God to handle this. Of course I do not shrink away ad let chaos happen, I am strong and steady rather then reactive.
Every day we have good, even great moments. I am grateful she is progressing and able to hold it together for longer periods of time, and so appreciative of all the strides she is making. For example her vocabulary is building beautifully, yesterday at the pizza restaurant, she hopped into the booth and looked at me nicely, but very much directing me said “mommy come join me!” Pretty amazing given she is both gaining in language and social skills rapidly.
So the tips for today.
* Some boundaries really help every one!
* Praise and rewards focus as much as possible on the good stuff
* Pray. make God your co parent and relax into the job of being present for the wonder and joy of life unfolding.
Before I end I want to remind you you have a tremendous power to lift someone in a difficult moment with just some words of in front of the grocery shopping cart, making noise not bad, just noisy…and I get it the grocery store is very stimulating. A man looked down at her and in a gruff voice said Calm down angrily. I don’t know what was troubling him, we walked away, and I told her just out of ear range she had done nothing wrong.
I then reflected back, it must be almost every time we are out someone has voiced an opinion about her hyperactive behaviors or loudness or tantrums, and I realized it was wearing on me, making me feel tired. We also have wonderful people who see the love care and intention I pour into her and all her strides and praise us, those words are golden. They land often just when I need a booster to keep me going strong. Remember we are the voice of God. how you praise and lift another can truly heal a difficult moment. You have no idea how folks are feeling, or what their inner turmoils are. I’ve also been giving praise, and it feels great to acknowledge not perfection, but just ‘I see you, your efforts and it is good, you are good, you are wonderful and hang in there, you are so amazing’!
Blessings & love,
Julie Renee
Your mentor and guide