I work with so many high powered, wonderful women who are making their business dreams come true and feeling a bit lost and lonely in the journey. It’s a new day; it’s a new dawn and a step for women in executive and leadership roles in the direction of ‘undiscovered territory’. This game changer (large numbers of women in leadership roles) marks the beginning of a new chapter in human history.
Female leadership and the rise of successful women in the global economy is currently sky rocketing. And with this rising new era of empowered woman, unique new challenges spring up. Some of these challenges include; loss of family structure, a loss of relatedness,
and an entire population of females running businesses and staying alone.
Yesterday, on my client Kimberly’s third VIP 100% One Day she spilled the beans. She has been running a high-end, powerful corporate speaking and consulting business. Kimberly’s blessing is in her pure genius. As she developed a rare and poignant specialty that commands upwards of $30,000 per speech. She oversees her magnificent arsenal including; speaking and coaching tools in place, a system of delivery, and most importantly a willing audience that has kept her hopping. The downside to this however is she finds herself sad, lonely and out of balance. She has taken position of King and in her world it is not safe for a woman in power, competing against male kings to have a fun time. Her work ethics and values cause the work driven leader to be isolated, alone and imprisoned in a life without loving partnership.
In the leadership role as director, producer and superstar of her life her ground rules include; overworking, being the best and striving. On the contrary, activities that might be fun are in her perception a waste of time. She literally has no personal permission for fun. Kimberly is on the island of pain (and misfit queens) in the role she has chosen to live as King.
Woman as King
When a woman lives in her male brain during the day, she is living into; focus, concentration and results. She may develop in her nature attributes like; competition, directness, a hard edge and even aggression. While these male qualities emerge and take root, her softer side must be set to the wayside for her survival in the male driven world of business.
It is possible to run a Queen-dom from the throne of King, but it will take a commitment to preserving balance, and letting go of competition outside of work. We relate competition, which is innately a male trait with performance excellence. It can help a woman to lead efficiently, but this male style of relating will prevent the much longed for bond for her in a romantic partnership.
Qualities lost when the Queen lives as a King night and day:
A king, (one who rules a domain: be it office, company or farmstead) in a male body has less need for a social life. In comparison, a female attempting to be king is dominated by her estrogen based social brain will need healthy interaction to maintain a healthy happy demeanor. Getting a female king to take a vacation, or spend time in frivolous pursuits goes against the nature of striving. Male kings may naturally sink into a lifestyle of striving as he builds and extends the reaches of his kingdom.
Now any man, king or not, is warmed by the quality of social interaction found in the company of a queen. Men become enthusiastic about a potential partner’s beauty, graciousness and especially the sense of comfort he feels in her presence.
If however a woman is edgy, sharp or competitive around a potential ‘mate’ she is not sending the signals for a man to bond with her. Realize this; a man is not looking to mate with another king.
What then is he seeking? Someone to support him for example, I often hear men say about the woman they love; ‘she’s got my back’. Another quality they seek is to enhance or make more wondrous his domain. Along these same lines a fella is looking to provide for his gal, and also protect her. For him, this is his measure of how close they are and how well he is doing in his job as partner. If you mistakenly thought the fella you were dating wanted you to be self-sufficient, (a mistake I have made more than once I’m sad to say) I hate to tell you, but you were wrong. Self- sufficiency to a man means you have no need for him.
Please don’t confuse that concept of fierce independence with your nature of competence, or capability. They are not the same. If you want to be independent then think about the meaning of the word. If that holds true for you after you have given it some consideration you will be delighted to discover there are plenty of willing participants for the occasional tryst. Just stop lying to yourself that you want a long-term partnership. You will be happier to love what you have than to create an impossible scenario.
How to return to your Queens throne?
Step back into balance and begin by affirming you love, trust and give yourself permission to express your unique self every day. Once that’s done it’s time to get into action.
Best tips for recovering your juicy, loving self:
- Play time. If your emotional tanks are not fuelled you will be edgy, irritable or dismissive. The challenge you may temporarily be experiencing of no sweetheart is about you. Good or bad, it’s always about you. You can think of playtime as part of your job requirements and start implementing play dates. Create some dates with friends, groups, and fun family connections. Be sure to also create time for you to enjoy the company of yourself. If you don’t know how to have fun, or you think having fun is hard, or feels like work you may have a program in your DNA stopping you from fun. This harmful program can be removed through the process of DNA Obliteration. You can request this as part of your VIP 100% You! One Day. (Tell me more100%)
- Check your Kings crown at the door. If you are in a position where it is best to be King at work, you must, must, must take off the Kings crown as you end your workday and get back to you as queen. This might be done in a simple action of changing into relaxed, or feminine clothing or using a Beauty Meditation Click for Details to get you back to feeling your gorgeous girlie self. The important thing is to put your sword down…the sword meaning the nature of competition. You don’t need it to have a loving successful relationship, and as a matter of fact if you drag that blade into your love life, prepare for severing at some point sooner or later.
- When you are around men, look for the qualities of protection, providing and serving that you can revel in and enjoy. Be the appreciator. Let go of the perception that all men are dangerous, jerks or harmful in some way and look to each man as on a path to being your or someone else’s hero. Make a practice of thanking each kind and helpful act you are cultivating from the gentlemen around you. Get that you too are a mystery to them.
In 1983 I participated in the EST programs. (this was the original training of Warner Erhard and eventually was called the Landmark Forum). Through the years, as the programs developed the concept of being responsible for how people show up in your space became an important part of the teachings.
Sit next to a friend who is in agreement with you to do this. Have the friend talk to you about something they are excited, perhaps
passionate about. While the friend is speaking think as strongly as possible, ‘you are stupid, your ideas are stupid, what a nut, I don’t believe you.’
Now after 2 minutes stop, and ask your passionate friend what they felt as they spoke to you. Change places and repeat the exercise.
It is unpleasant, even revulsive to share your ‘pearls with swine’. It would be ridiculous to share your treasures with someone who is not on the same page with you, or at least honoring your journey.
Who shows up when you are with a fella?
This last concept builds on the previous one. Are your emotional tanks fuels and are you feeling emotionally generous? If you have been doing battle as King, then show up in that space of perception, who are you being and what is it bringing out is the fella you are sharing time with?
I know that you may want to hold onto your power, and you can if you want to create separation, to be in partnership means being receptive to your beloved. Have you ever noticed a man in love? How it almost appears he has become the servant of his beloved. They are happy, joyous and juicy together. It seems like they are privy to a sexy secret as they wink at each other and smile knowingly.
You can’t be a king and a queen at the same time. That’s all there is to it.
For more on love lessons and practices as well as some effective meditations on the topic, visit JulieRenee.com/love-lessons