I saw these words this morning on a magazine cover: Refresh and Reset. That looked like such great advice for Henry and me as we start our day. We woke to heavy cloud cover and the prediction of rain off and on throughout the day. Our plans for meeting our friends at the lazy river are likely off since the area is closed with rain and thunderstorms looming.
Thursday I officially hired an attorney to help with the CPS situation. It was a tough day. I met the morning with an email from the CPS investigator demanding a family meeting – he was still on the “send her home” track. This was followed by an email from the YES Waiver folks, who provide her state-funded therapy, outlining how when she comes home we need to have evaluations done, etc. Then came a call from Clarity Child Guidance Center saying they had filed a police report on me for abandoning my daughter. Okay. Deep breath.
My handyman, who has become a friend, is also an EMT with the San Antonio Fire Department. He has had to repair all the damage, put locks on everything, and seen the holes in walls and doors. He said to me, “You are doing the right thing. You are a petite lady, and if you don’t feel safe in your home, she cannot be here.” He added, “I am a praying man. I will pray for you.”
There is a verse that at this moment was particularly helpful: The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still. (Exodus 14:14).
I sent an email and left a phone message for the lawyer and then put my mind on God’s promises.
No weapon formed against me will prevail …
Friday I received a phone call from the investigator’s boss. She asked a few questions about the adoption nine years ago. I answered and said I have a lawyer representing me. She said, “We’re staffing her” – in other words, they picked her up and were deciding where to place her and who her caseworker would be.
Within an hour I received the paperwork relinquishing parental rights and giving permission for her to be adopted if that opportunity should present itself. I dropped everything, got it witnessed and notarized, and sent it back to my lawyer. And just like that, life is different.
Henry and I are figuring out who we are without the constant screaming and demands. It’s very different. I do not feel grief, and I wonder about that. But perhaps the warmth and love that would have carried grief died long ago with the many physical and verbal abuses Henry and I endured.
So the day is ahead. Refresh and reset will certainly not happen all in one day, but I do seem to be able to breathe more deeply and feel more hopeful about tomorrow and the future.